The end of the “have to” era

It just doesn’t fit anymore. Helping people by telling them what they “have to” do has passed it’s purpose. More and more people are either in or close by a burn out. Companies struggle to keep their staff productive and launch all sorts of initiatives (see SAP example). And somehow our society fails in helping all those millions who seek help.

Governments and most big corporations assume they can help by increasing the “have to do” items on our lists, supposedly helping us. Have to relax, have to sport, have to take time with the family, have to be polite, have to, have to, … (see a staggering example)

And more and more people seek for help. That is good, but …. Therapists more than often see themselves as keepers of truth and tell their patients what they have to do to get better. Again, have to, have to, … Nothing is farther away from the truth than this.

You don’t “have to” do anything. Nothing. Nada. Niente. This is the planet of free will… don’t let anyone tell you what you “have to do” to get better ….

Look what happens when you give back people their freedom of choice. Put them back in their original state: being responsible for their own choices. Mirror their decisions, thoughts and actions. And let them decide for themselves what helps and what doesn’t. This way, people learn by experience (if they choose to do so). And this is the most powerful tool governments, employers and therapists can have. They know that, so why don’t they do so? 

Our societies have educated humans that must comply to a set of standards put forward by old fashioned rule makers. And the most essential rule of all is that you are “good” only when you comply to these rules and standards. And not make up your own point of view. So as a child, we’ve learnt to listen to other persons’ rules, rather than following our own feelings.

Our feelings never lie, but we’ve learnt not to believe them. We’ve learnt that feelings can be misleading, that they lie ….  For the most dangerous thing for a government, a religion, any organization or corporation who is seeking to remain “in power”, is that individuals start to cultivate, share and live by their own opinions. Telling a patient, customer, citizen that they have to learn to trust their own feelings, rather than doing what they’re told is bad for business….A therapist wants you to come back, don’t they? A government wants you to vote for them next time, don’t they? A corporation wants you to buy their products and live by their standards, don’t they?

When seeking help, when seeking advice, listen to your feelings. (look at suggestion number 1 in this article) Do you really want to be told what to do? Do you really want to give away your power to someone else’s truth? Or do you prefer to listen to options, mirrors and be given the space and time to choose for your Self. 

The “have to” era is over. Particularly in personal growth and mental healthcare, a paradigm shift is taking place that is changing the game forever. Empowerment is key. And this is true for business as well. 

Feels good? => go for it ! 
Someone else’s truth? => run !

 Enjoy !

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