Being in a management or leadership position often requires you to coach team members. Lots of training and books are available on how to coach others. But what about you? How do you feel after having coached someone? Would you be able to do seven or eight coaching sessions in one day? Or would you feel completely exhausted after already two or three sessions?
Let’s have a look at what coaches usually do. Be a mirror, feedback, provide hopefully helpful insights and follow up. How about this follow up? What if the coachee did not act upon what had been discussed during the session? Would you feel angry about that? Do you require the team member to act upon your suggestions?
Or, more accurately, are you in any way attached to the result of your session? yes? Fine. Congratulations. We’ve found the cause of your energy drain.
Let me explain: if you let your feelings (or well-being or whatever other part of you) depend on what another person does or thinks, then you open the tap for your energy to be drained fast.
Your responsibility as a coach is limited to Being Your Best Self. Your are NOT responsible for what the team member actually does with what you’ve told her (or him). This is completely up to that other person. You can’t control that. Attaching your self to something which is out of your responsibility or control is the primary source for your energy drain.
let me draw a parallel: suppose you don’t like cheese. I am your coach and I suggest you to eat some cheese. You don’t, and I (the coach) choose to be unhappy about that, because you didn’t do what I suggested. Rings a bell? If I decide to let something which is out of my responsibility influence my well-being, I make a fundamental mistake as a coach and as a leader.
My conscious responsibility is limited to Being My Best Self. That is the biggest gift you can get from a coach. That the coach is unattached to the result.
Enjoy Being You, not for someone else, but for You.